One of my favorite worship songs is “When I Think About the Lord”. For a number of reasons I love singing this song, not the least of which is that it begins with God and not me, and what part I sing is merely a response to who God is and what God has done in my life.
However, there are times when I think about myself. This is not a megalomaniac, self-adulating process for me. Quite the contrary. As is necessary for sanctification and growth, there needs to be a true and sober examination of who I am and where I stand with Christ. A real probing and introspective look reveals a lot, and it is easy to gloss over the little things that are really not that little.
The other day I began writing down the things I do not like about myself. The list kept going, and going, and going – soon to realize that “there is nothing good that dwells in me, that is in my flesh”. Even in very process of writing these things down, I felt sinful, for I either was hiding in shame or too prideful to admit it, even knowing that it was just me and the Lord. Left here to dwell on my failures, weaknesses, and shortcomings inevitably lead me to a unavoidable sense of despair.
Sometimes I forget or don’t think about how prone I am to sin, how frail I really am, how wickedly sinful my “idol machine” (heart) can be, and how easy to be deceived be falsehood and lies in the place of truth. Not just from my interaction from within, but from without as well does me injury as well. To think of how many people I try to please, of how many prayers are prayed in public to sound spiritual and appeal to the ear of my peer than the heart of my Father, to think of how many outward acts of righteousness that in all actuality are filthy rags, to reflect on how many times I have tried to promote myself and my performance, featuring my strengths and advertising my “fruit” – all is vain! Vain! Vain!
Needless to say, it is a very difficult thing to handle, and fortunately, it is nothing some I was made to handle. Another handled this for me, so I will come and lay this heavy burden down and take his yoke upon me. It is his righteousness I plead, his life I live, and his glory my aim. In the day where spiritual advisors are appealing to masses with terms like “seize your potential” or “actualize your inner self” and stuff like that, I don’t want to, lest I become a Worm. The fact is that I am worm and a wretch, and though saved by grace, I daily wrestle with sin and the fight for holiness always calls for a sober mind, surrendered will, and a renewed spirit.
My hopes are set outside of me on him who went outside the camp. I am thankful that I am not left at the end of the day to think about myself. Yea, I think about the Lord. I think about how he has changed my life and continues to for eternity. It is good to think about myself if but it leads me to think about the rescuing work of Christ and His beauty that he allows me to glory in. The love of such a Savior to unconditionally dispose his favor upon me is baffling and humbling – yet in this I rejoice. Amazing love, how can it be? That You my God should die for me? Therefore, let this be a cause to think about the Lord, and in doing so, worship Him for who He is and what He has done for me.
