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Wanna Be Relevant? Pray to Accept Hannah Montana into Your Heart

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Written By Tim Brister

Tim has a missionary heart for his hometown to love those close to him yet far from God. He is husband to Dusti and father to Nolan, Aiden, and Adelyn - fellow pilgrims to our celestial city.

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Tried “40 Days of Purpose” and didn’t get the exponential growth you were expected to have?  There’s good news for your church!  Get your hands on some Hannah Montana tickets  and watch your “event attendance” skyrocket to new heights!  Church Relevance reports,

LIFEchurch (North Richland Hills, TX) averages 350 to 400 people for weekend attendance but attracted around 2,500 people for their Family Fun Fest this past Halloween. That’s over six times their average weekend attendance.

Amazing!  How did this happen you might ask?  LIFEchurch offered the free gift of Hannah Montana that only a few fortunate souls would be privileged to experience.  Montana is the winning ticket that will help you overcome that attendance barrier, and throw in some more choice entertainment tickets, and event attendance will undoubtedly experience exponential increase that even prosperity experts could not manufacture.  According to the report, the only financial investment to go from 400 to 2,500 people is a one-time cost of $20,000.  Reports showed that church members weathered the criticism, arguing, “That’s a small price when you have accepted Hannah Montana into your heart.”
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This has got me thinking about my regulative principle question again.  But alas, such methodology is certainly biblical and justifiable since it works – and, of course, “Hannah” is in the Bible anyways.

14 thoughts on “Wanna Be Relevant? Pray to Accept Hannah Montana into Your Heart”

  1. Good post Timmy.
    This could be humorous if it were not so common (that is the church’s action). Simply change the names, in some cases cover it a little more clearly, and you can see this all over the place. We must get over the idea that our job is to draw crowds. Our task is to preach the gospel and make disciples. Most often this will not draw great crowds. At times it will. But the ‘crowd issue’ is irrelevant.

  2. Timmy,

    I’m not sure that the regulative principle has a lot to say about this. As I understand the principle, it governs the elements of worship, but not necessarily the circumstances. Hence the principle would govern whether or not we sing in church, but not whether we sing to the accompaniment of piano or guitar. I don’t thinking drawing people to church so they can win free stuff is at all biblical, but I also don’t know that the regulative principle has much to say about it…

  3. Ray,

    One of the things that came to my mind while reading that article was how Jesus is just not attractive enough for most churches these days. What are we saying about the glorious realities of the gospel and the free offer of the gospel when it is eclipsed by the realities of the world and all that it affords for us today? I do not see how it is possible for those who come for the benefits of this world can translate to treasuring the benefits of knowing Christ in all of his excellencies.

    Tim,

    Yeah, I realize that historically the issue of the regulative principle deals primarily with worship, but there have been instances, such as with Machen and prohibition, where the RP has been understood in broader terms. In general I would argue that there is no biblical warrant for such methodology, and in the end, such practices are detrimental to evangelism and injurious to the gospel. So if we can say that Scripture regulates other practices and methodologies of the church, then perhaps we can say in a more general sense that the regulative principle is in effect. But then again, maybe that brings the RP into an arena and understanding many folks think outside the bounds of historical discussion.

  4. Little known factoid: Hannah Montana’s father is the one and only Billy Ray Cyrus. Perhaps I should accept her into my “Achy Breaky Heart.” I think there is even a dance related to it, but I’m a baptist and would never dream of dancing.

  5. You have to keep them there with what got them there. That is why this bait and switch stuff will either give you a short lived crowd, or will lead a church to compromise faithfulness to truth telling and gospel preaching in favor of more and more entertainment and salesmanship. Both of these alternatives are poor ones.

    I don’t know if you had this kind of thing on your list of the new, new measures, but it would surely qualify.

  6. Guillaume,

    It is against P&P rules to bring up Billy Ray Cyrus without discussing the legacy of his mullet. Yes, there is a dance to the song. You think churches, then, should offer free line-dancing classes? Maybe those with the best mullet and best dance could win the Hannah Montana tickets? Thoughts?

  7. But don’t tell my heart, my achy breaky heart I just don’t think it’d understand and if you tell my heart my achy breaky heart he might blow up and kill this man whooooo whooooo

    Of all the info. my brain has taken in and that I cannot recall in sermons, lessons and tests-this remains!!!!!!!!!!!

  8. Oh, boy…this line of comments has really degenerated (and it didn’t even start with one of Ray’s puns), but I’ve got to “share” at how really small the world is:

    Hannah Montana is daughter of Billy Ray Cyrus who was once managed (maybe still is) by a guy named Rendy Lovelady. Rendy’s daughter, Amber attends Union University which is where Ray and I teach. Ray is one of my elders (although he’s much younger), and my brother is Tom Nettles, who was at Trinity when Ray went there, and has been one of Timmy’s profs at SBTS. Now that we’ve connected Hannah Montana to Tom Nettles, does that make her any better…you betcha!! 🙂

  9. Now that’s funny Bill!

    I’m telling on you. 😉

    P.S. I haven’t practice deconstruction of late, but does that make you a proponent of mullets, Ray a friend of country singers and sinners, and your brother a fan of Hannah Montana?

  10. I don’t like mullets, but a fresh rainbow trout is absolutely delicious. Ray is definitely a friend of sinners, and Tom did BSU Summer Missions in West Helena, Montana.

    You were close enough to get gold star on your paper.

  11. Do you know where I can get an anatommically correct Hanna Montana love doll? My prayers for the real thing havent yet been answered.

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