I feel that it is appropriate to share with you some confessions that I have made and continue to make. These are the result of ponderings down interstates, late night musings, and constant introspection over who people think I am, who I believe I am, and who I really am. These confessions are but a few of the ongoing lessons in my life:
1. I confess that I am both a saint and a sinner, and were I to wait until I were merely a saint to speak, then I must surrender the rest of my life to silence. The right to speak truth doesn’t come from my perfect standard in keeping it (for we are all fail in some degree) but the truthfulness and the Source thereof.
2. I confess that I have couched my words too often with the appeal and approval of those those who read/hear me that I might win over their perceptions and therefore conform to the crowds. I must, I have to, live for the Audience of One, regardless of people’s perceptions, and care only for the smile of Heaven, even if my words account for a thousand frowns.
3. I confess that I have denied my conscience and maligned truth for the sake of appeasement and conformity, thereby displaying faithlessness and fickless and the fear of man. I must fear him who is able to cast both body and soul in hell, and take courage; for what he whispers in the quiet place, I am called to proclaim from the rooftops.
4. I confess that often times my writings have been too assertive and deriding, bereft of humility and meekness, and tainted by domineering assumptions and personal ambition. I must rise from bended knee and bowed heart, and speak as one whose words has wounded himself.
5. I confess that those I love, I most often hurt, and do so with selfishness and insensitivity. I cannot be a true lover, with the love of Christ, if I but do not have the interests of others in mind, that in word and deed my life be an offering endowed by the King to those He would express Himself.
6. I confess that my love for the Church, the Bride of Christ, the Building of God, is received by others to be divisive, critical, and unproductive. I must learn to express my convictions and passions for those whom He died in such a manner that they are ravished by Jesus’ glory, convicted by our apathy, and spurned to radical holiness that we may be HIS in the fullnest sense of the word.
7. I confess that I am a fallible man speaking fallible words. I do not stake any claims or entitlements to the truth, but as one who is pilgrimaging through life in constant pursuit of the Truth; however, I do not apologize for His words, for they are infallible and authoritative, words that every human being will one day give an account, words that I must face with fear and trembling.
8. I confess that I am more concerned about the faithfulness of God’s people, that they would represent Him well in our world, culture, and society rather than being trendy, popular, or acceptable to today’s measuring sticks. As a result, I find it necessary to address the utilitarian and pragmatic dominance of thought today disguised as church growth, strategies, programs, etc. To be passionate about God’s name and renown means to be passionate about the vehicles that represent that name – passion expressed either for or against without compromise.
9. I confess that many of my beliefs, convictions, and thoughts shared are unpopular and confrontational. Having my heart disclosed and mind read for everyone to see has been both humbling and healing at the same time. At any given moment, I have seen how the same word has comforted, inflamed, enouraged, and frustrated people. Given the desire to speak truth, I must take care that the message does not become maligned or mitigated by the faults and failures of the messenger. Daily the lens of my life needs cleansing, so I come for a clean vision and a pure passion to think God’s thoughts and feel God’s passions.
10. I confess that when (not if) I have been wrong, I have often been defensive rather than submissive. This is a sign of carnality in me. I must humbly accept the truth when I am wrong and ever long to be spiritually receptive to the leading of God’s Spirit to change me, to convict me, to call me onward to a deeper understanding of Him and what He is wanting to say to me through His Word and through His people.
11. I confess that in order for me to be authentically and thoroughly devoted to my King, I must be willing to confront any and every affront to His kingdom and rule, from without and from within, for the sake of His name and His testimony througout the earth. This means that doctrine must be essential, our culture and world be engaged, and the guises and scheming done in the name of Jesus be exposed. As Luther said, “my mind and conscience must be held captive to the Word of God.” A thorough work must be done in me before a transforming work can be done through me.
12. I confess that my confessions are weak and feeble without the strong arm and benevolent graces of Jesus Christ, whose life I desire to have lived in me, whose love I desire to expressed through me, whose words, I pray are communicated by me. It is Him I confess, as a sin-stained wretch whose pray continues to be, “God, be merciful to me, the sinner!”